October {Chit Chat}

Life Updates / Tuesday, October 16th, 2018

I’ve been meaning to get this blog up and running for a while. I just felt like I never had that “perfect” first post. I would put so much time and energy into content I had on here, only to delete it the next day. I’m not sure why I felt my writing wasn’t good enough (Quite frankly, I’m sure I am going to be the only one reading it :D). Recently I was thinking of this blog with all its scary commitments, challenges, and vulnerability. While these do present fears, I have wanted to write on this blog for some time. In midst of my passion for writing, I want to post on Tuesday and Saturday for the next month. I realized I need to start writing my thoughts and words down… for good. I’m not a person who can sort out problems in their mind. I write it out. When my points, ideas, stories, or feelings are written out, I am able to reflect and have a more level-headed mind. If I don’t express what’s going on in my mind, it usually results in a messy jumble of emotions.

One setback I have had these past two months has been dealing with one gigantic monster, the “mean girl”. This whole situation (which is more than likely going to be a separate post) has been a nightmare for my senior year of swim. I am a team captain for my school’s swim team along with the “mean girl”. She has hurt me emotionally on many accounts (which IS a form of bullying). I have found it so hard to be strong and fight this battle. Lately, my positive energy has been used to its max. In other words, I feel emotionally drained. One thing that helps me persevere is my dedication and motivation to be better than I was yesterday. In addition, I feel, as a team captain, my main job is to impact others; whether that’s through encouraging others to “PR”  or acknowledging their feelings on a situation. In the end, people might ask “well, if the situation was so bad, why didn’t you quit?”

Yes, I could’ve quit the team but I didn’t want to leave the quiet people, or “outsiders”, without a voice. I didn’t want to have regrets later in life. Most of all, I didn’t want to leave everything I’ve worked so hard for. My parents always taught me to finish what I start; I am doing just that. I am trying to read more personal development to help me realize being a leader is tough but owning who you are is tougher. In this world, there will be times when we are going to be alone and that’s O.K. (though, it’s easier said than done). I have realized I need to start focusing my energy into something more positive. This blog will do just that; it will be my escape from my hectic life. Not only will help me, but it will help others realize they are not alone in this hard journey we call life. I have my ups and downs, but my words will be in the world where they can inspire others to go after their passion.

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