December {Chit Chat}

Life Updates / Sunday, December 30th, 2018
Mental Health is Important

So…. where do I start? I obviously haven’t been posting twice a week for the last two months. To be honest, I never was able to recover from my rough swim season mentally. I wish I could say that I left my last year of swim team feeling good. I wish I could say I still felt confident given everything I was put through. The reality is, I’m not. I became pessimistic about everything and everyone. These last two months I found myself trying to hide my pain and bitterness through validation from others. What frustrates me the most is I felt confident in who I was and knew who I wanted to be at the beginning of the year. I tried to push through and tell myself others’ opinions didn’t matter, but after going through the emotions every single day, it became emotionally draining. I soon lost my confidence in myself. I had a hard time trusting others with information. It was (and still is) a struggle.

I have a routine where I get up every morning (Monday-Friday) at 5:30 a.m. to workout at the gym. When I first started going to the gym again in early November (after my whole swim ordeal), I was excited and happy to be able to do something good for my brain and body. My main focus on the reason for going to the gym was for my mental health; not to lose weight. As a matter of fact, I appreciated my body for what it was. Unfortunately, in early December, I started comparing my body to other people on social media. I started getting up to go to the gym for others, not for me. I currently still go to the gym now, (I have not been on social media for most of break), and I am feeling better. Knowing I don’t have to put on a facade for others is one of the most liberating moments. Knowing that I am going to the gym for me, and only me, allows me to push harder while being present in the moment.

How I Plan on Improving Myself

A lot of people see the word “counseling” and have misconceptions of what it is. Honestly, everyone should have a counselor if possible. It is not always for “crazy” or “emotionally unstable” people. It is for people who are looking to better themselves. It is for people who are learning to discover their abilities. It is for people who are willing to be vulnerable with their emotions and thoughts. Noticing that you need help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of awareness. In order to accomplish the most in life, one needs to be self aware. Being in control of your mental health is important in allowing one to feel their life is their own – no one else. This is why my mental health is important to me. At the moment, I feel like I’m not rising to my full potential because of how overwhelmed, stressed, anxious and depressed I feel ( and I don’t know how to deal with it). Over break, I realized I need help from a professional in order for me to get back to who I truly am.

Not only am I going to start going to counseling, I am slowly getting back into all my hobbies (knitting, taking pictures, reading, etc.). In addition, I am starting to write ideas down for my blog. In 2019 I want to focus on putting the blog content I want on here. I want to be able to be vulnerable while providing helpful, quirky posts 🙂

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